Waluigi Kidnaps a Princess?
by WaNumberOne
Summary: When Wario kicks Waluigi out of his home for not helping pay bills, Waluigi realizes he needs a job. Fortunately for him, Bowser's been looking for a recruitment to help fulfill his latest scheme. Waluigi's now finding the job ridiculous, and to top it off, he's maybe starting to enjoy it? Rosalina/Waluigi pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to Nintendo.**

Waluigi was just sitting at home, watching TV, and being his usual lazy self. Suddenly he began to hear Wario waddle into the room, preparing himself to endure more of his hi-jinks. Wario moved in front of the TV, pacing back and forth while angrily looking over a pile of papers.

"Hey!" Waluigi yelled. "Get out of the way, you're a blocking the TV!"

"Shut up and listen for a sec." Wario told him. "We got some stupid bills here, and it's saying that if we don't pay them, the power's gonna be all shut down! This doesn't make any sense; I already regretfully gave up some of my treasure to pay for it!"

"If you paid it, then why are they still bugging us?"

"I think I see why now, it says here that the amount increases more by how many Mushroom Kingdom citizens are living in the house. What could of idiotic association is that?" Suddenly Wario realized something that he hadn't thought about before.

"Uh, Waluigi?"

"Yeah, what's up?" he replied, half paying attention to the TV.

"What have you been doing while I'm off treasure hunting and selling microgames?"

"Uh, pretty much what you're a seeing right now. Except when I'm with you, messin' with those goody-goody Mario Bros."

"Uh-huh, and while you're a just sitting around doing nothing, I'ma the one that's keeping this house powered."

"So? That's the way it's gone for years."

Wario turned off the TV without any warning.

"That's changing now. You're on your own."

"What the heck are you talking about?"

"I'm not giving up more of my treasure just to let you stay here. See ya, Waluigi."

"You can't do this Wario! I'm your brother, your teammate, your other-half!"

"I'd like you to stay, but you know I gotta have my treasure! You need to get a job or something."

"Can't I just go treasure hunting with you?"

"You know you're too clumsy. Sorry, but I can only see you messing me up."

"What about Warioware Inc.?"

"That doesn't even make sense, I'd be your boss, and we wouldn't be making any extra money together. Besides, my company's already pretty full. Just go into town and get a job, it's not going to kill you."

"Fine whatever, I'll get a dang job. Thanks a lot for kicking me out by the way."

"Oh shut up."

Waluigi stumbled out of the house and regretfully made his way into Toad Town, hoping he could find something to do before he'd end up homeless. He tried asking several of the Toads there if he could work for them, but they misjudged him as a beggar, and then threw insults like "creep", "menace", "dirtbag", and "loser." That didn't help at all. Just as Waluigi was about to head back home and tell Wario he failed, he noticed a dark alley that he didn't remember when he ever went to Toad Town. Suddenly, he saw a flyer. He sprinted over to it, regaining the little confidence he had left. It turned out to be a flyer from Bowser, the Koopa King himself. Waluigi quickly looked it over. "Help Wanted Chumps!" It said. "It's me, Bowser, and believe it or not, I'm looking for a new recruitment to perform a solo mission that will then let me continue being the greatest villain ever. Oh yeah, it pays well too! If you've ever wanted to be a villain, or more villainous than usual, head on over to my castle for the full details!" Waluigi practically leaped in the air out of excitement. It would be great to do a job for someone who hated the Mario Bros. as much as he did. Grabbing the flyer, Waluigi quickly turned around and sprinted the opposite direction towards Bowser's Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

After sprinting to Bowser's Castle, Waluigi took a moment to catch his breath and recompose himself. He walked up to the entrance of the castle, which was guarded by two Hammer Brothers covered in armor.

"Halt, intruder. State your purpose." One of them said.

"I'm here for the, uh, job offer." Waluigi replied.

"All right then, be quick and don't do anything stupid to upset The King."

The guards stepped aside and the drawbridge of the castle descended. Waluigi made his way into the castle, and went through a few rooms until he reached Bowser's throne room. He quickly made his way up to the Koopa King.

"What brings you here, uh Waluigi right? I don't keep track of many names, so be thankful for that." Bowser said.

"I need a job." Waluigi replied. "And your flyer might be the answer I'm looking for."

He showed the flyer to Bowser, whose interest suddenly rose.

"Oh yeah, I remember putting this up now! So what did you do to need a job? Waste all your coins gambling or something?"

"No," Waluigi said, "The stupid Mushroom Kingdom starting charging more for rent, especially for more citizens living in a house. And then Wario gets all greedy and decides to.."

"Forget I asked!" Bowser interrupted. "What made you think I'd care about your problems?"

"Whatever. What kind of job do you need someone to do anyway?"

"You might be just the criminal to do this for me. Listen up, here's the deal. There's some cosmic princess lady from space who's been aiding the Mario Bros. in stopping all my latest schemes of capturing Princess Peach. She's got some dumb wand that enables her to use magic to fight against me, even lifting me up in the air! By the way, if you tell anyone that a princess has been defeating me, you're a dead man Waluigi! Anyway, I've been needing someone to keep her out of my hair for a while, so I can get rid of those pesky plumbers and make Peach mine once and for all. Think you can capture her and keep her away?"

"Waluigi number one! Of course I can do it, but isn't kidnapping your thing?"

"Yeah, but now you can have a chance to be as bad and villainous as the great Koopa King. That reminds me, you'll need this stuff."

He tossed Waluigi a sack full of a few things.

"Let's see, rope, some cloths, and Bob-Ombs? Wait, I have to kill her?" He yelled.

"No you fool; those are knock-out Bob-Ombs. Stay away from the explosion from it or you'll pass out. Also I want you to bring me her wand, which will be a sign that you've captured her."

"And how much is all this going to pay?" Waluigi questioned.

"As soon as you bring me the wand, I'll give you 100 coins a day. You'll have to come to my castle every day to collect your payment, I don't do deliveries. And one more thing, if I end up seeing her again, the deal's off. Oh and then I'm probably going to give you a roughing up too, depending on my mood. You got all of that, chump?"

"Yeah, I hear you good uh, Boss."

"Good. Now get out of here! I've got evil plans to be made and put into action!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Waluigi felt that his luck had finally turned good. Although he was hired to hunt down and capture a princess, she unintentionally made this much easier for him. For the first time that he could tell, Waluigi remembered that the woman came to play golf quite recently with the Mario gang. Waluigi also remembered that she lived in a large observatory, and it was stationed closely to the fields where they had been playing golf. He found her mysterious, since she lived in an observatory and barely spoke. He didn't even have any idea what her name was. Probably something super elegant and girly like all the Mushroom Kingdom Princesses seemed to have. She probably knew his name though; Waluigi did enjoy screaming his own name several times in the Kart races. The Mario Bros. probably already told her that he was nothing but trouble already too. He finally left his thoughts when he saw the observatory in the distance. He chuckled happily knowing it was still there. As he got closer, he saw a bunch of little star things floating carelessly around the observatory. He was going to have to be as sneaky as possible to pull this off. Waluigi jumped behind a bush as he reached the front of a holographic blue floor. He took a long lookout, and eventually all the little stars seemed to wander elsewhere. He noticed a small building directly to the right. Smoke was coming from a chimney, so someone was most likely in there. He quickly did an air-swim (a weird technique only he seemed to be able to do) to the side of the entrance, and peeked in as unnoticeably as possible. He saw the princess sitting in a rocking chair, completely absorbed in a book. The coast was clear around him; it was time to do his job. Waluigi reached into his sack, and pulled out the knock-out Bob-Omb. He lit the fuse, and tossed it into the library like area. He dove to the side of the building, and covered his mouth with his hands just to be extra safe. He saw the thick trail of smoke leave the library after a few minutes. He quickly made his way in. The room was really cozy, but Waluigi had no time to look around. The princess had passed out in her rocking chair, and dropped her book to the floor. Waluigi remembered that he was supposed to get a wand, and he looked around hastily. He saw it on top of the fireplace, and shoved it into his overalls pocket. He then opened up his sack, pulled it over her, and fastened it shut. Waluigi began to make his way out, but he forgot to check first.

"Hey mister!" One of the tiny stars said. "We heard what sounded like an explosion. Also who are you, and what's with the sack?"

Waluigi began to panic, sweat starting to form. Although these stars were small, they could probably defeat him working together. He had to think of something fast, and then remembered something he overheard the princess saying to the Mario Bros. about these things always eating things called Star Bits.

"Hey look!" Waluigi yelled. "There's Star Bits from the sky falling way over there! Don't miss out by being here!"

The Lumas quickly lost interest in him, and stampeded over to where Waluigi had pointed. He let out a sigh when his lie worked. He ran away from the observatory as fast as he could with her, before something else could go wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

Rosalina slowly began to wake up, her head still feeling dizzy from an unknown reason. Her vision was blurry, but began to finally clear up after a few seconds. She suddenly realized that she was in an unfamiliar area, and that she last remembered being in her library on the observatory. The area appeared to be the living room of a house, and it was slightly beat down due to carelessness in house maintenance. She wanted to get up and look around the house, but she discovered that she was tied to a chair, wrapped in thick rope from the shoulders down. Whoever had done this to her had made an effort in not letting her escape. She began to call out to the different rooms in the house, hoping this was all a misunderstanding. A few minutes later, a somewhat familiar person walked in from another room.

"Oh, you've woken up." He said.

Rosalina knew she had seen this man before. He had several traits that seemed unforgettable, a tall extra-lanky frame, purple attire, and a distinguished, pointy, thin mustache. His cap showed a symbol of a vertically flipped L, which Rosalina knew well as the symbol for Luigi of the Mario Bros. She quickly determined that the greatest way to get out of the predicament would be to talk to the man standing in the room with her.

"Um, who are you again? I know I've seen you before, but I still have no idea who you are." She asked.

"What?! You've never been told about the awesomeness that is Waluigi? Or all the stupid lies that the other Mushroom Kingdom idiots have said…" He muttered.

"I apologize that we have never had any kind of formal greeting. However, this is not how I would like to meet people. I have not been to Earth as much as I would like, and do not like the idea of unknowingly being taken into someone's home for a greeting."

"I didn't bring you here to meet you; I already know who you are. Don't even worry about all this "formality" nonsense. I don't know your name though, it's probably something girly and lame as a princess would have."

Rosalina ignored the inappropriate last part of his sentence. "If you didn't bring me here to meet me, then why have I been taken prisoner in your home?"

"I knew you'd be asking questions the second you were conscious. So I've already prepared myself to answer none of them."

Of course the man Waluigi was going to be difficult. Rosalina remembered the Mario Bros. telling her how much of a nuisance he and his partner-in-crime Wario were. She wondered if she could negotiate with him, even if just to find out what in the world was going on.

"Okay Waluigi, if I tell you what my name is, in return will you tell me what you want with me?"

"Whatever." He replied. "I'm hoping that will get you to stop asking questions."

"My name is Rosalina, and I am the Princess and protector of the Cosmos." She told him.

"I guess Rosalina's not all that bad a name. It rolls off the tongue kind of nicely." He replied.

"Thank you." She said. "Now it is your turn to give me information."

"Yeah, yeah, the reason I kidnapped you is…Hahaha, I'm not telling!" he laughed.

"Waluigi! We had an agreement, and you didn't follow it!"

"That's something you're going to have to get used to, now that you're stuck with me."

Rosalina let out a sigh. She wasn't going to let his rude behavior get her upset so easily. She would just have to keep trying to find a way for him to give her the information she needed.

**A/N: Thanks everybody for the support in this story so far. I've realized that the chapters are shorter than I thought they were when I wrote them, so I'm probably going to slow down my update progress and make longer chapters. This will most likely be more enjoyable. Anyway, happy reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

One night had passed since Waluigi had kidnapped Rosalina. He lazily got out of his bed at 11am, him feeling that bad guys can get up whenever they want. He made his way to his living room to check on his prisoner.

"Morning Princess, how did you sleep?" He taunted.

"I'm thankful I got any sleep at all without the comfort of my observatory." She replied back without looking at him.

"Tough shrooms. Never expect any kindness out of Waluigi."

"Why do you act this way?" She asked him suddenly.

"Why do you care?"

"I like to know the full details of everything and everybody. I truly care for people, even when they don't act enjoyable."

"My personal information is for me only. That's how it's always been, and I like it that way."

"Are you sure, Waluigi? You seem like a troubled person to me, maybe someone I can help in understanding themselves."

"You don't need to know anything about me, other that I'm bad and I like to be bad."

Waluigi paused for a moment, and decided to tell her something to get his personality out of her head.

"Just forget about me. The reason I kidnapped you is because I needed a job. I'm getting paid and Bowser wanted you out of his way, so here you are. There shouldn't be any reason why you want to even talk to me." He explained.

"But how can you not feel any guilt in what you're doing?"

Waluigi smirked. "I've heard of guilt, but I can promise you that I have never had it. And now you've bored me again."

He walked over to his couch, flopped down, and turned on his TV.

"What is that machine you're staring at?" Rosalina asked.

"What, the TV? You've seriously never heard of one? It's only the greatest thing to entertain people ever." He replied.

"I think you meant to say books."

"Books? Why would I ever read a book instead of watching TV, especially ones without pictures?"

"The universe would be nothing without books. Spreading knowledge, enjoying great tales, and inspiring creativity are just a few of the great things books can do for people."

"Now I see what happens when you live in space your whole life, you miss out on everything good!" Waluigi said.

Rosalina was about to tell him how complete she already felt on the observatory, when suddenly the front door burst open.

"Imma back!" Wario announced, holding a big sack of found/stolen treasures. "Hey Waluigi, what's with the girl?"

"It's my new job," he replied, "I'm getting paid to kidnap people."

"Yeah, that'll look great on a résumé." Wario said sarcastically. "At least you found a way to get some money. Anyway, don't bother me; I'm going to go take a long bath."

Wario went off to the bathroom for nobody can know how long.

"He lives here too?" Rosalina asked.

"Duh," Waluigi said. "He's my partner Wario. We always scheme things together."

"He must be to Mario as you are to Luigi." She pointed out.

"Hey! We don't say those names in this house!" Waluigi shouted.

"They are the most heroic people I know; there is nothing wrong with them."

"You wouldn't have any idea at all."


	6. Chapter 6

Waluigi resumed to watching his television, not wanting to talk with Rosalina if she was going to stoop to mentioning the Mario Bros. in his house. If he had the choice, he would have kidnapped anyone but her for some cash. As quiet as she was at the races and other events, she seemed to want to know everything about him, and that was definitely not what he was expecting. It was unusual, someone asking about his behavior and opinions. Waluigi was going to give himself a headache just trying to understand how weird all of this was. Waluigi was currently watching "Mushroom Idol." It was far from his favorite show, but he enjoyed it when people who thought they were talented really weren't made a fool of themselves on television, whether they knew it or not. The episode Waluigi was watching was showing which contestants were going to be making it further in the competition.

"WHAT? NO WAY!" Waluigi screamed as the contestant Peter Toadsten, whom he hated, was voted through.

"That guy is so annoying! He never should have been on television at all!"

"Do you always become angry when you watch television?" Rosalina questioned him.

"What? I don't know, what does it even matter?"

"It's interesting to get angry over something so small, since even highly troublesome encounters can be easily taken with calmness."

"Are you implying that you've never been angry?"

Rosalina thought for a moment to be sure in answering.

"No, and I'm not even familiar with the feeling. Anger is something that hasn't ever affected me." She replied.

"Yeah, right. I don't know anyone who couldn't get angry. You're probably angry right now and are trying to trick me into thinking you're not."

"There's no need for tricks, I'm speaking the truth."

Waluigi got closer to Rosalina, in order to be clear.

"I'm Waluigi. Nobody can talk to me and not be angry. Nobody can even think of me and continue being happy. I'm going to find a way to get you angry right now just to make sure things make sense again."

"You certainly can be enthusiastic when you want to, Waluigi."

"Okay, listen up. Did you know that Wario and I enjoy spitting in people's drinks after go-karting, including yours?"

"That's inappropriate and gross, but certainly not the end of the world."

"Yeah well, oh those little stars you live with? Before I nabbed you from your observatory, I lied to them about star bits falling far away in deep space. They all went to look for them, and now they're probably lost out there, never to return! Doesn't that make you angry?"

"Sorry Waluigi, but my Lumas are far more intelligent than you think. They know exactly where they are at all times in the stars, and they'd probably like to have a word with you after not finding the star bits that were promised."

Waluigi hit himself on the head for making poor judgments.

"You've got to get upset at this one. I stole your wand. Oh, but I didn't just steal it. I gave to Bowser, the most fearsome foe of the Mushroom Kingdom. Whatever that thing does, it's his to control now, and he can do whatever he wants too. If he wants to enslave all of the citizens, that sounds great to me! Wahaha!"

"You vile, despicable man!" Rosalina finally yelled. "The power of the wand should absolutely never be controlled by Bowser! It's all thanks to your selfishness, and you don't even care what happens to anyone!"

"Finally, you're angry at me! Those were the words I've been waiting to hear!" Waluigi beamed.

Rosalina felt awful. Not only did she just let Waluigi get his ridiculous victory, she also had forgotten about her wand. All of the people that had been kind to her in the Mushroom Kingdom could be in grave danger and there was nothing she could do about it. Rosalina seemed to feel like crying, but she had enough power to control her emotions and not be vulnerable.

"Is winning really that important to you?" She said, almost whispering.

How did she get calm so fast? Waluigi thought to himself.

"I…I..Don't know, I guess so?"

Rosalina may have just experienced anger, but Waluigi also finally got a taste of guilt he deserved.

"Let me go. Now." Rosalina told him without emotion.

"I can't! There's no way I'm going to stop getting paid and get kicked out of here. Villains don't give into demands anyway!"

"I have never met someone so shallow."

"Wah…..I'm sorr-" Waluigi clamped his hand on his mouth.

"Were you about to apologize?"

"Hey, I'm starving. I'm going to go look for something to eat, and I'll get something for you too to make sure you stay alive."

Waluigi ran to his kitchen as fast as he could, already regretting almost doing what a villain would never even think to do.


End file.
